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𝗗𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙄𝙑𝙔 𝙃𝙊𝙐𝙎𝙀—𝘈.𝘖 𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸
A magazine-style deep dive into my latest work, The Ivy House, where I explore some of its key elements.
#writeblr#writing wip#writeblr wip#spilled ink#wip#wip intro#wip excerpt#writers#worldbuilding#writing#writer blog#writeblr edit#writers on tumblr
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Commission for: @sin-opa !
It was a pleasure to make this for you!
#book cover#book cover design#writeblr#writeblr graphics#writers#writers on tumblr#writeblr edit#cover design#commission
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Feel free to use, or message me for more banners
yes, I'm self-aware thank you
#fanfic#AO3#FFN#fic#banners#canva#writing#writeblr#own#Edit: Yes I know I wrote DECADE wrong by now thank you for pointing it out... again#it's fixed okay
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Writing References: Character Development
50 Questions ⚜ Backstory ⚜ Character-driven Story
Basics: How to Write a Character ⚜ A Story-Worthy Hero
Basics: Character-Building ⚜ Character Creation
Types of Characters: Key Characters ⚜ Literary Characters ⚜ Flat & Round Characters ⚜ Morally Grey ⚜ Narrators ⚜ Allegorical Characters ⚜ Archetypes ⚜ Stereotypical Characters
Worksheets: Backstory ⚜ Character ⚜ Kill your Characters ⚜ Antagonist; Villain; Fighting ⚜ Change; Adding Action; Conflict ⚜ Character Sketch & Bible ⚜ Protagonist & Antagonist ⚜ Name; Quirks; Flaws; Motivation ⚜ "Interviewing" your Characters ⚜ "Well-Rounded" Character
Personality Traits
5 Personality Traits (OCEAN) ⚜ 16 Personality Traits (16PF)
600+ Personality Traits ⚜ 170 Quirks
East vs. West Personalities ⚜ Trait Theories
Tips/Editing
Character Issues ⚜ Character Tropes for Inspiration
"Strong" Characters ⚜ Unlikable to Likable
Tips from Rick Riordan
Writing Notes
Binge ED ⚜ Hate ⚜ Love ⚜ Identifying Character Descriptions
Childhood Bilingualism ⚜ Children's Dialogue ⚜ On Children
Culture ⚜ Culture: Two Views ⚜ Culture Shock
Dangerousness ⚜ Flaws ⚜ Fantasy Creatures
Emotional Intelligence ⚜ Genius (Giftedness)
Emotions (1) (2) ⚜ Anger ⚜ Fear ⚜ Happiness ⚜ Sadness
Emotional Universals ⚜ External & Internal Journey
Goals & Motivations ⚜ Grammar Development ⚜ Habits
Facial Expressions ⚜ Jargon ⚜ Swearing & Taboo Expressions
Happy/Excited Body Language ⚜ Laughter & Humor
Health ⚜ Frameworks of Health ⚜ Memory
Mutism ⚜ Shyness ⚜ Parenting Styles ⚜ Generations
Psychological Reactions to Unfair Behavior
Rhetoric ⚜ The Rhetorical Triangle ⚜ Logical Fallacies
Thinking ⚜ Thinking Styles ⚜ Thought Distortions
Uncommon Words: Body ⚜ Emotions
Villains ⚜ Voice & Accent
More References: Plot ⚜ World-building ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs
#writing reference#character building#writing tips#writing advice#character inspiration#writeblr#dark academia#spilled ink#literature#writing prompt#creative writing#fiction#writers on tumblr#story#novel#light academia#writing resources#compilation requested by anon#still a bit messy & incomplete - will edit soon#will also update this every few weeks/months
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she had taken all of the pronouns in my poems and turned them masculine. every she was he. every her was him. i wrote about women dipping their hands into the honey of my chest and she had changed it in this stark, violent way. men now, in my work. in my ribs, i guess. how odd, to stare at it.
i write a lot about worshipping at the knees of my girl. what sapphic can resist the allure of chapel-talk, the divine nature of what is ours and ours alone. her hair in your shower. her chapstick melting in your car. when we say holy here, it is a different meaning. it is the smithing of our own haloes from mix-tape cds. no hammer to the anvil - only our own palms, skin scorching. forging every astral ray with the prayer please don't leave. our bible a history that is never taught in high school. we shape a church from the tent of her arched back. what other word for hymn but her voice. her moaning.
a poem can be stripped of its component parts, maybe, but can it still breathe? is it still the same ship? the words this woman changed, biting and spiraling up at me: my man is holy. i worship at his feet. he is the divinity of saturdays and the wheat of my communion and he is the hushed summer's glorious release.
it's common knowledge that you can say a word too-many times, and then it loses meaning. but here was something new: it wasn't that the words had lost meaning, but rather that they had shifted in the air somehow and turned radioactive to me. all of my words were otherwise unchanged, except for the unkind and glowing eye of him.
ivory-tower glowing in my aorta, i thought about talking to her on the sanctimonious and erudite level. telling her: a poem can be changed, can be erased or added to or demolished or reconfigured; but we do try to respect the original author. i would tell her i would have preferred her not change only the pronouns; that her actions felt like censorship rather than collaboration.
in front of me: you cannot cut him out of me, i was made to love him. no scrubbing, no penance. i will always come back to this house, come back to loving men.
i thought about telling her why her actions were cannibalism, not care. i would tell her about being 18 and pressured by my catholic family to accept a man as a partner; how i'd dated him for 5 years before being able to escape. how abusive he had been. how he had made me kneel in front of him - that i wasn't using the word worship idly, but rather as a reclamation. how i had to be re-taught even the concept of faith. how when i learned peace again, it was by the hand of a woman.
i thought about telling her about the wound behind it, the unceasing loneliness. i thought about telling her shape of the small and quiet hours; the fear; the endless and unpretty nature of just being queer. i thought about saying: all of my work comes from a place of pain.
i thought about telling her everything. when i finally found the words, it was only one: why? in that was the summary of all i felt: why not write her own poem? why change it so violently? and why choose my work, if she disliked it so much? why me?
i imagine she shrugged when she responded. all i got was a single sentence: "i really like your work but i want to be able to enjoy it without being made uncomfortable."
on her insta, her pinned post is of her boyfriend - now husband - proposing. they were married in 2023. congratulations. i really do hope she's happy.
i hope one day it stops hurting.
#spilled ink#writeblr#this is all true.#btw PLEASE be aware that she was NOT bi or anything else#this is about a straight lady stealin my work#although. yes i am also team “well babe if u like sapphic work so much.... hmm”#bonus: almost made a comment that everyone has completely stolen (without credit)#“your mother did not raise you with a wolf in your chest just so you could howl over losing a man”#and that line#while a banger#has been chopped and resold so much im like. :x well..... guess that's not mine anymore lol#ps edited bc i changed my mind about the length of this and how i introduced it#if ur like . didn't this have another 4 paragraphs. yes lol
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i'm a sucker for that one trope in cartoons where a character sees the younger version of their loved one (bonus points if they also interact with it because that's just *chefs kiss*)





please please PLEASE do more of this
#inside job#nimona#turning red#my little pony#centaurworld#writing#writeblr#cartoon#found family#writing tropes#tropes#(edit: forgot centaurworld and i could not leave that out😡☹️)
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"There's a reason it's called a ROUGH draft," I sigh, creating a keysmash with my forehead.
#auggie speaks#auggie writes#teen author#authors of tumblr#unpublished author#writers#creative writing#wip#writer#writing#writers on tumblr#writers and poets#writeblr#books#booklr#writers block#editing#book editing#work in progress#author#writerscommunity#teen writer#queer writers#ao3 writer#queer books#fantasy books
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Moving intro to pinned post so bio is less cluttered
~ he/him, cis, biromantic asexual, engaged to @starlightprincess98, (Planning to get married February 14th 2026) born July 12th 1997 (listed the year so I don't have to update my age every year) ****
Platonic soulmates: @aflairforthemelodramaticc and @translesbianfoxgirl
**** Formerly known as **** @princesssparkle42 **** @jaydovesworld **** Other blogs include **** @ask-skybluecmc, if you want to do some MLP OC RP **** @phoenix-of-grandeur, if you want to talk about your favorite games or mine (Though I also do that on main) **** @phiction-of-grandeur, if you want to talk about your stories or mine (Again I do that on main) **** @ask-the-felicity-crew, if you want to RP between your OCs and mine or ask me questions that I will answer as mine. The characters may or may not know they are fictional depending on when in the timeline you ask them.
****
@ask-simon-devlyn, same as the Felicity Crew, but centered around the captain, Simon Devlyn. On this blog Simon knows he's fictional.
**** I love talking to people and making new friends! I'm also creating my own story series called Starbourne. Wanna be friends in the gaming multiverse? Here are my Friend Codes:
****
Steam: 111892045
****
Nintendo Switch: SW-5163-5533-6136 ****
Musical Fandoms:
****
Chrono Trigger
****
Undertale
****
EPIC
**** Show Fandoms: **** MLP **** Steven Universe **** The Owl House **** Amphibia
**** The Ghost and Molly McGee **** Sailor Moon **** Cardcaptor Sakura
****
Infinity Train
****
Spongebob Squarepants ****
More later
**** Game Fandoms: **** Any RPG that features Mario (Such as Super Mario RPG, the Paper Mario series, or the Mario and Luigi RPG series) **** Any indie game inspired by Paper Mario (Such as Bug Fables or Born of Bread) ****
Undertale and Deltarune ****
In Stars and Time
****
Kirby
****
Hollow Knight and Silksong **** Zelda (mainly just watching other people play them) **** Pokemon (see Zelda) **** Might add more later **** Book Fandoms: **** Percy Jackson et al **** Amari **** Serafina **** Might add more later ****
Webcomic Fandoms
****
Homestuck
****
Down to Earth
***** Donation Links
****
Kofi
****
Patreon
****
PayPal
****
Book 1 of my series, Starbourne, is FREE!! For the other books please donate $6 per book to one of the aforementioned links. I'm planning on making this a series of 9, but currently working on book 2.
Doing one of those note things for motivation (or notivation because notes lol)
25 notes - I do the dishes and clean out the litter box (done, for now... But these are Sisyphean tasks)
50 notes - I clean up around the house (I did a little cleanup, might do more later)
100 notes - I do a little work on my book (it still needs editing before I can publish it and write the sequel, but I'll do some work on that when my PC stops crashing)
250 notes - I start working on book 2 (or work harder on editing book 1 if it still needs it)
500 notes - I participate in artfight (in the first July after it reaches this threshold. I doubt it'll get there by this month.)
1k notes - I start working on a video game in the Starbourne multiverse. A small one, like Undertale is to Deltarune. I'm calling it Saturn Robe which is an anagram for Starbourne, like Undertale is for Deltarune.
2.5k notes - I start working on my dream game, Starbourne. The one that's the reason I started writing in the first place. (If the small game isn't finished I work harder on that)
5k notes - I dedicate my time to taking care of myself/my partner/my family, and working on my dream game.
10k notes - I become a god in the Tumblrverse (this will not happen)
If you want to know more about Starbourne, check out my other blog @phiction-of-grandeur and my community for more details. My askbox is always open if you want to ask me something.
Here's the first book now:
And here's a newer version of the first book, with (hopefully) better writing. It's gonna be longer than the draft above.
Here's the book on AO3 as well ^^
And here's my artfight link. It's new so there's nothing there yet. ^^^
Here's a game I made in Scratch back in 2012... I occasionally update it when I think of a new idea for an update. Feel free to ask me about Epic Kitty Hunt updates!
#notivation#notes#motivation#please i need motivation to do the dishes#writeblr#starbourne#artfight#editing#indie game#small thing before the big thing#starbourne book 1#starbourne book 2#engagement#intro#intro post#friendship#relationships#oc rp#rp#ocs#my ocs#oc stuff#original character#draft#multiple drafts#scratch.mit.edu#epic kitty hunt
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5 Reasons NOT to Use Multiple Point of View (and What to Do Instead)
I've been meaning to make this post for a long time. As a developmental editor, I see a LOT of manuscripts that use multiple point of view (where each scene or chapter is from the perspective of a different character), when they really should be using a classic single character POV. Over the years, I've come to the conclusion that writers see multiple POV as a solution to problems that really shouldn't be solved that way. Basically, they're using it for the wrong reasons. And when that happens, instead of making the story more awesome, multiple POV can actually weaken it.
Here are five of the most common reasons writers choose multiple POV (and why those reasons might be a problem). Don’t worry—I’ll also share what to do instead.
1. You Don’t Know What Your Story Is About
Sometimes, when writers aren’t 100% clear on their story’s main conflict, theme, or plot, they reach for multiple POV. It feels like a fix—after all, why focus on one perspective when you can try out a little of this and a little of that?
Here’s the thing: multiple POV actually requires you to be more clear about your story, not less. Readers will naturally look for a thread that ties all the perspectives together, and if that thread isn’t there, the story will feel scattered or aimless.
What to Do Instead: Take a step back. If you’re feeling unsure about what your story is really about, try some journaling or outlining. Ask yourself:
What’s the main conflict?
Who’s the central character?
Why am I telling this story?
Often, writers discover they actually have one protagonist, and a limited third or first-person perspective would work better. If you still feel like multiple POV is the right call, go for it! Just be sure to periodically revisit your outline to make sure the story hasn’t “gotten away” from you. (Multiple POV has a sneaky way of doing that.)
2. You Haven’t Developed Your Characters
Multiple POV doesn’t work unless each character is fully developed. Every POV character needs their own voice, journey, and reason for being in the story. If they can’t stand on their own, readers will notice.
What to Do Instead: Before assigning a POV, ask yourself:
Is this character compelling enough to hold the reader’s attention?
Do they add something essential to the story that no one else can?
If the answer is no, it might be better to stick with a single POV. Sometimes less is more.
3. You Can’t Decide on a POV Character
This one is common, especially in early drafts. You’re still figuring out your story, and it’s hard to choose whose perspective should take center stage.
What to Do Instead: Experiment! Write key scenes from different characters’ perspectives. Often, the strongest voice will make itself known as you go. And remember: just because you write a draft with multiple POV doesn’t mean you can’t narrow it down later.
4. You Need to Share Information Your POV Character Doesn’t Have
Ah, the classic "But how do I show this thing the protagonist doesn’t know?" dilemma. This is probably the most common reason I see writers reach for multiple POV. It’s tempting to throw in a chapter or two from another character’s perspective just to share that extra bit of information.
The problem? Those chapters often feel disconnected from the rest of the story. Every POV character needs to carry their weight, and dropping in a random narrator just for convenience can leave readers feeling unsatisfied.
What to Do Instead: There are other ways to get information across. Here are a few ideas:
Educated Guesses: Let your main character speculate. (“Iris kept tapping her pencil on the desk. Was she nervous about the meeting earlier?”)
Show, Don’t Tell: Use actions, dialogue, or other clues to reveal what another character might be thinking.
Bring in a New Element: Introduce a third character, a conflict, or even an object that reveals something important.
Overhearing or Spying: Yes, it’s a little cliché, but when used sparingly, it can work in a pinch.
5. You’re Looking for an Easy Way Out
Let’s be honest: multiple POV can feel like a catch-all solution to tough storytelling problems. Need to fix pacing? Add another POV! Can’t figure out how to make the ending work? Add another POV!
But here’s the truth: multiple POV is actually harder than other POVs. You’re not just developing one character—you’re developing several, and you have to tie all their perspectives into a cohesive whole.
What to Do Instead: Focus on nailing the story with a single POV first. Once you’re confident the core of the story is solid, you can decide if adding other perspectives will truly enhance it.
In Summary
Multiple POV is a powerful tool, but it’s not a shortcut. It requires careful planning and strong execution. If you’re considering it, ask yourself:
Does every POV character bring something unique to the story?
Am I clear on the main conflict and theme?
Could this story be told just as well (or better) with a single POV?
Sometimes, the simplest route is the best one.
Hope this helps!
/ / / / / / / / / / /
@theliteraryarchitect is a writing advice blog run by me, Bucket Siler, a writer and developmental editor. For more writing help, download my Free Resource Library for Fiction Writers, join my email list, or check out my book The Complete Guide to Self-Editing for Fiction Writers.
#writeblr#writing advice#writers on tumblr#editing#writing tips#fiction#nanowrimo#point of view#multiple point of view#op
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Storyediting Questions to Ask
As You Read the First Draft:
Are there place that surprised you as you read your first draft? - Why do you suppose that is? - Is there material there you'd like to expand?
What are the character really doing in this story? - Might they have issues you haven't explored fully yet?
Look to the places that drag. - These might be scenes where you have avoided dealing with something deeper. - What are the characters really thinking in these places? - What are their passions, frustrations, and desires?
Imagine alternative plotlines. - How might your plot be different if ti headed off on another tangent from various points in the story? - You don't have to follow them, but they might suggest other streams that can flow into the main plot.
Think About Structure:
Does you story play out naturally in three acts?
Is there an immediate disturbance to the Lead's world?
Does the first doorway of no return occur before the one-fifth mark?
Are the stakes being raised sufficiently?
Does the second doorway of no return put the Lead on the path to the climax?
Does the rhythm of the sotyr match your intent? If this is an action novel, does the plot move relentlessly forward? If this is a character-driven novel, do the scenes delve deeply enough?
Are there strongly motivated characters?
Have coincidence been established?
Is something happeing immediately at the beginning? Did you establish a person in a setting with a problem, onfronted with change or threat?
Is the timeline logical?
Is the story too predictable in terms of sequence? Should it be rearranged?
About Your Lead Character:
Is the character memorable? Compelling? Enough to carry a reader all the way through the plot?
A lead character has to jump off the page. Does yours?
Does this character avoid cliches? Is he capable of surprising us?
What's unique about the character?
Is the character's objective strong enough?
How does the character grow over the course of the story?
How does the character demonstrate inner strength?
About Your Opposition:
Is your oppositing character interesting?
Is he fully realized, not just a cardboard cutout?
Is he justified (at least in his own mind) in his actions?
Is he believable?
Is he strong as or stronger than the Lead?
About Your Story's Adhesive Nature:
Is the conflcit between the Lead and opposition crucial for both?
Why can't they just walk away? What holds them together?
About Your Scene:
Are the big scenes big enough? Surprising enough? Can you make them more original, unanticipated, and draw them out for all they are worth?
Is there enough conflict in the scenes?
What is the least memorable scene? Cut it!
What else can be cut in order to move the story relentlessly forward?
Does the climactic scene come too fast (through a writer fatigue)? Can you make it more, write it for all it's worth?
Does we need a new minor subplot to build up a saggin midsection?
About Your Minor Characters:
What is their purpose in the plot?
Are they unique and colorful?
Polishing Questions:
Are you hooking the reader from the beginning?
Are suspenseful scenes drawn out for the ultimate tension?
Can any information be delayed? This creates tension in the reader, always a good thing.
Are there enough surprises?
Are character-reaction scenes deep and interesting?
Read chapter ending for read-on prompts
Are there places you can replace describing how a character feels with actions?
Do I use visual, sensory-laden words?
For a Dialogue Read-Through:
Dialogue is almost always strengthened by cutting words within the lines.
In dialogue, be fair to both sides. Don't give one character all the good lines.
Greate dialogue surprises the reader and creates tension. View it like a game, where the players are trying to outfox each other.
Can you get more conflict into dialogue, even emong allies?
If you like my blog, buy me a coffee☕ and find me on instagram! 📸
#writers and poets#writing#creative writing#poets and writers#writers on tumblr#creative writers#let's write#resources for writers#helping writers#writeblr#how to write#writerscommunity#writers#author#ao3 writer#writer community#female writers#writer#writer on tumblr#writer things#writer problems#writer stuff#writing inspiration#writing prompt#writing advice#writing community#on writing#writing tips#editing#question
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"My best friend found it. My one and only friend."
"He is my best friend, but we haven't spoken in many years."
#jujutsu kaisen#satosugu#jjk#gojo satoru#geto suguru#gojo#geto#satoru#suguru#jjk spoilers#hira edits#mine#mera#jaan#sugugu#hiraesthetic#*200#anime#writers on tumblr#writeblr
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love daydreaming✨️🤌
#writeblr#writerblr#writers#writing wip#wip excerpt#current wip#araavib#writing#wip#writeblr edit#spilled ink#wip edit
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I used to try and resist what comes naturally to my writing, fearing judgement. I have learned that, through writing what I am passionate, I get stuff done. This is your sign to add that thing to your WIP. You know what that thing is to you.
#writing#writeblr#writers on tumblr#thoughts while writing#fiction#author#books#writer#writing community#historical fiction#WIP#writer blog#writing advice#writing and poetry#writing a book#writing stuff#writing and writers#writing and editing#writerblr#bookblr#book#books and reading#lgbtq+ fiction#writerscommunity#writers#writer stuff#write#writers blog#writers and poets#writers and readers
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Drafting: “Anything goes! Who cares about grammar? I’ll fix it later!”
Editing: “What illiterate goblin wrote this??”
#creative writing#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writing#writing community#writing inspiration#female writers#spilled ink#story#short story#rough draft#first draft#edit#fic writing#writing is hard#romance writing#on writing#writers#writerslife#writer struggles#writer things#writer thoughts#funny#funny writing memes
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Writing Reference: Editing your Novel
Levels of Editing: Beta Reading, Developmental Editing, Line Editing, Copyediting, Proofreading
Developing your Story: Plot- and Character-Driven Stories
Novel-Editing: Developmental Editing; Line Editing; Copy Editing; Proofreading (with checklist)
Structural Issues: Plot, Character, Setting, Pacing & Others
Chapter Maps: For Plot Holes, Chronology, Lagging Sections
Style Sheet ⚜ Sentence Check ⚜ Structural Edit
Tips/Notes: Editing a Fight Scene ⚜ from Zadie Smith
Revising vs. Editing ⚜ Revision Strategies ⚜ Conscious Language
Self-Editing ⚜ Editing your Own Novel ⚜ Structural Edit
Some Editorial Vocabulary ⚜ 3-Part Book Editing Checklist
Writing Resources PDFs
#editing#revision#writeblr#spilled ink#dark academia#writing reference#fiction#novel#compilation#creative writing#writers on tumblr#literature#writing prompt#on writing#writing tips#writing advice#writing resources
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no, actually, where is the whimsy?
my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?
we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.
earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.
i stared at my ex. he stared at me.
his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!
it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.
and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.
my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.
which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.
but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.
the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.
so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.
and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.
where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.
it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.
this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.
#spilled ink#writeblr#this is a real story lol#looking back i liked larry as a person SO much more than my ex hollyyyyy shitttt#compulsory heterosexuality will do you DIRTY#edit to correct effies name my apologies to effie and effies family
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